What Not To Do When You've Got A Hungry Bum!

So It was a hot day and I wanted to be like everyone else and wear some cutsie shorts(Why not eh?). I understand I have big legs so it doesn't look the greatest, but today who really cares? I cut up a baggy pair of trousers and folded them up at ends. (Problem number one in the summer, I end up cutting up all my jeans and having nothing left to wear in the winter!) Walking down the street wearing my new lovely shorts, I suddenly felt them riding up my bum. I discretely rugged them down and thought nothing of it (but that wasn't the end of it!). My bum was hungry and wasn't letting go of this one. I began to tug hard at my shorts and was beginning to get some very strange looks (you can imagine why). I pulled again at my shorts and my nails went straight through the material, so now I had a hole right in the bum area (great that's all I needed). I guess that teaches me for having long sharp nails! I had no time to go home, so there was nothing else for it. I ducked and dived behind a garden wall, whipped off my short and put on the spare pair of leggings in my bag (that's right I take a spare part of leggings with me now!) Half way through stripping off I noticed a little old lady looking through her window directly at me, with a smirk on her face (mortified). I straightened myself up and strutted off down the road (I'm sure I'm not the first lady shes seen stripping off in broad daylight, right?). I looked down at my leggings proud of my brilliance. Looking closer at them I noticed it was my crappy Primark leggings, and you could pretty much see my underwear through them anyway (sod it). Today I give up! Will there ever be a day that goes right for me?

Chatty Yaz (Mortified Memories)

xx

Damn Greggs & Their Perfect Location!

So I’m guessing you already get the gist of today’s post. Every day I walk out of the station and there it is (Greggs). It is placed so eloquently outside the bus station, how can I say no? But today I have started my diet (I know I say that every day, but today I really have), so I wasn’t about to let Greggs’ delicious sweet bakery ruin it for me! I got off the bus and exited the bus station, taking long brisk strides with my strong willed mind pushing forwards. My legs of course began to disobey my direct order and started walking towards the bakery (No, No, No). I tried to take control of my legs with my focused mind, but it was as if I were possessed (I was powerless). There was no stopping them, as much as I tried to walk past Greggs, my legs had taken a detour and I was now planted in the bakery and being asked what I wanted. I replied ‘the usual please’ (Yes the f***ing usual!). The lady knew exactly what I was talking about (shock horror) and said that they had almost run out of the ice doughnuts but she had saved one for me as she knew I would be in to get one. She then put it in a bag and made my latte (Yes that’s right, even the Greggs workers know I have no will power!). I am such a regular I may as well start getting discount vouchers. I felt like a golden customer! (This was not good). But then again they should commend my loyalty! I left the bakery with half a doughnut sticking out of my mouth, as a lady in jogging gear with toned arms and a perked bum walked past looking at me in disgust. (How dare she look at me like that, as whose fault is this really? Was it me the innocent bystander who happened to get drawn in to their excellent location and yummy cakes? Or was it Greggs and their knowing of my lack of willpower and ridiculous sweet tooth? (Exactly) There is no moral to this story; I just wanted to let you know I still haven’t started this stupid diet!

Chatty Yaz (Women’s Worries)

Xx

Plan A or Plan B?

So what is the sitting protocol for wearing a short flowing skirt these days? When you sit down, do you A) place your skirt neatly around your legs, exposing you naked thighs to your seat or B) Try and sweep the skirt under your thighs as it bunches up under your legs. Well today I tried both, and neither seemed to work out well for me. Sat on the bus I spread my lovely cream skirt around the top of my legs and decided not to sit directly on it. Little did I know someone was about to sit next to me straight on to my skirt. I tried quickly moving my skirt from the offending sitter, but my reaction time was too slow (flip). I was now stuck. All I could do was hope and pray he would get off the bus before me. I sat and waited. I saw my bus stop coming up, and he wasn’t budging in the slightest. I guess you could say I started to panic a little. In a hurried state I hoisted myself from my seat a bit too quick, where my skirt stretch downwards and the quickly pinged itself upwards revealing my little light pink thong(I don’t know what was worse, my exposed crotch or his horrified face). Red faced I patted my skirt down and made my exit from the bus. Option A was a bad idea, so I decided option B was going to be today’s choice. It was lunchtime and it was 22 degrees outside, so I decided to go out for lunch. I found a bench on a field and sat down to eat me lunch, scooping my skirt neatly under my legs (as I didn't want a repeat of the bus incident). By the time I had finished my lunch, the sun was so hot I felt as if I was slowly melting. I got up from the bench, moving my hand under my legs along with the skirt to make sure it didn't get tucked up in my underwear (knowing my luck that would happen). As I grabbed my skirt I felt a warm damp material, I realised the scorching sun had made a sweat patch on my bum! I swiveled my head around to see a small, but noticeable damp blotch on my cream skirt (shit it looks like I've wet myself)! I scramble for my bag and press it against my bum. Plan B had not gone to plan! As I walked back to my office I held my bag close to my bum. Let’s just say I got some strange looks.