Plan A or Plan B?

So what is the sitting protocol for wearing a short flowing skirt these days? When you sit down, do you A) place your skirt neatly around your legs, exposing you naked thighs to your seat or B) Try and sweep the skirt under your thighs as it bunches up under your legs. Well today I tried both, and neither seemed to work out well for me. Sat on the bus I spread my lovely cream skirt around the top of my legs and decided not to sit directly on it. Little did I know someone was about to sit next to me straight on to my skirt. I tried quickly moving my skirt from the offending sitter, but my reaction time was too slow (flip). I was now stuck. All I could do was hope and pray he would get off the bus before me. I sat and waited. I saw my bus stop coming up, and he wasn’t budging in the slightest. I guess you could say I started to panic a little. In a hurried state I hoisted myself from my seat a bit too quick, where my skirt stretch downwards and the quickly pinged itself upwards revealing my little light pink thong(I don’t know what was worse, my exposed crotch or his horrified face). Red faced I patted my skirt down and made my exit from the bus. Option A was a bad idea, so I decided option B was going to be today’s choice. It was lunchtime and it was 22 degrees outside, so I decided to go out for lunch. I found a bench on a field and sat down to eat me lunch, scooping my skirt neatly under my legs (as I didn't want a repeat of the bus incident). By the time I had finished my lunch, the sun was so hot I felt as if I was slowly melting. I got up from the bench, moving my hand under my legs along with the skirt to make sure it didn't get tucked up in my underwear (knowing my luck that would happen). As I grabbed my skirt I felt a warm damp material, I realised the scorching sun had made a sweat patch on my bum! I swiveled my head around to see a small, but noticeable damp blotch on my cream skirt (shit it looks like I've wet myself)! I scramble for my bag and press it against my bum. Plan B had not gone to plan! As I walked back to my office I held my bag close to my bum. Let’s just say I got some strange looks.

Let Rihanna Keep Her Red!

So my day begins at the early rise of 6.50AM. I get dressed, brush my teeth & hair (obviously not with the same brush) and then attempt doing my makeup. I say attempt as makeup, early mornings and I just don’t usually mix (seriously it’s a disaster waiting to happen). To my surprise it turns out pretty good (which is a miracle in my eyes). But I make the stupid mistake of putting on bright red lipstick (because it matches my top), and immediately regret it, as I really want to eat that yummy chocolate brioche in my bag. So the challenge for today was to eat my brioche and not screw up my lipstick. Piece of cake, or so I thought! So I walk down the street breaking off pieces of chocolaty bread, while chewing on it like a goat (attractive). I really should just accept red lipstick is for films and celebrities, because in the space of an hour I’d managed to make myself a paranoid wreck, checking every mirror in a 10ft radius every second to make sure my lipstick hadn't smudged. By the time I had made it to work my lipstick looked more like a dodgy pink, there was chocolate stuck in my teeth and crumbs all down my top. Ladies please just save yourselves the drama and go for a pale pink instead, oh and while you are at it don't eat when walking to work either (Messy)! Actually just stay away from bread all together!!

Chatty Yaz (Real Talk)

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Kylie Minogue Would be Ashamed!

So my sister invited me to a Butlins Adult Weekend! She told me they were wild, fun and that we just had to go. But of course being a woman my first thoughts were ‘OMG, what am I going to wear!?’ Discussing this with my sister, she told me she was going as a Baywatch babe (Brave). So my competitive alter ego just had to go that one step further! Yes I scoured the internet for some Kylie Minogue gold hot pants! Yes I am a size 14 and no one above a size 10 should be seen dead in a pair of cheeky peaks, yet I was an optimist! To my calculations I figured that in three weeks I could easily drop two dress sizes (even though I found it hard to drop one dress size in a year!). Just thought I would also let you know, I have half a week left and I've gained 3 pounds.The funny thing was, that wasn't the worse of it! The gold hot pants came today in the post, and resemble shorts that could only be described as a paper thin metallic polishing cloth (yes they were tiny and literally made of paper!). I took one look and laughed, as did the rest of my work colleagues. Somehow I don’t think I will be wearing them! Kylie would be ashamed.

Chatty Yaz (Real Talk)

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I Guess One Binge Won't Hurt...

So it’s now day two of my healthy eating. With dedication running through my veins, I strutted to work. I loaded energising music in my ears and downed my dodgy green diet shake in one. I felt as if I could conquer the world...until lunchtime came. So I looked at my lunch fund (Damn only £10 left to last me a week) and I began mulling it over in my mind (should I spend £2 a day or spend it all now on one big lunch?). 

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I walked out of Burger King with 4 Whopper burgers in my takeaway bag worth exactly £10 ((Bargain!)For those who don't know, The Whopper is the King of the Day on Wednesdays). So I sat at my desk and stuffed my way through mayo, gherkin and beefy goodness. I couldn't have possible been happier, until I finished. I looked at mountain of Burger King wrappers, and instead of feeling guilty and shit, pride welled up inside. To be honest it was hard not to be impressed (Come on, 4 Whoppers!). Only problem was my stomach had bloated to the size of a football and it had become hard to conceal (damn that greasy food to hell). I've never in my life wanted people to assume I was eating for two, but as I walked home I cradled my tummy like an expecting mother, in shear hope that people would think I was pregnant! I kid you not it honestly looked as if I was carrying twins. Tomorrow surely must be better for my diet...Let's hope!

Chatty Yaz (Women's Worries)

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My Gym Disaster!

So it was my first day at the gym, and I didn't manage to go through with it. Yes I paid a lot of money to join, yes I had a 30 min induction with a personal trainer and yes I had all my training gear on. But I just couldn’t! I can imagine I’m not the only woman in the world that has walked into the gym, thought nope and turned back around and made a beeline straight for the door! As I darted for the door, I hoped the trainer wouldn't spot me and telepathically know I was the person that had booked that 7PM slot. As soon as I was out of spotting distance and safely planted in town, I made a short pit stop at Mac Donalds! Ashamed? I think so! So I ate my two 'Big Tasty' burgers, that weren't in fact that tasty and walked towards the bus station. Yes I felt defeated, guilty and disappointed in myself, but then I remembered a crucial fact! There’s always tomorrow! So everyone that’s my amazing start to my health new life style! I’m thinking I’m going to have to try a little harder….

Chatty Yaz (Real talk)

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